Nerves Getting To Me?

I'm not sure what is going on, but my anxiety levels are increasing exponentially this week.  I took a couple days off when I didn't really need the recovery, but did make it out last night to meet up with Walter, Brie and Prenavi for what was supposed to be an "easy" 19-20 miles.  My mind was preoccupied all day (meaning not a whole lot of work got done).  I've been obsessing about the weather forecast (decent upper 70's temps, but 60% chance of rain with threat of severe weather).  I do fear it getting crazy humid if we have off and on pop-up showers during my first century.  We'll see how it goes.

Back to my ride last night:  Met up at 5:30 for the ride.  Prenavi did her first half marathon this last weekend (in the rain - extra badass).  And I have my upcoming 100 miles.  And Brie is just back from getting married a couple weeks ago.  So the whole idea was to take it easy. 

Walter and his harem looking fresh and ready to go!

Going out on the flat greenway trail was a nice way to start and I felt pretty good (though the pollen count was high enough to choke me a bit and make my eyes itch).  But the first hill (up to Hwy 179), made me regret everything I had eaten earlier in the day.  I felt it come up in the back of my throat as my heart rate climbed well up into the 190's.  Thankfully, it was downhill and flat for a while after that so I could recover, but I was sucking wind (and fighting back that bile taste) at the end of the long hill up to S. Country Club.  We joked as we cranked up the hill that we should run into the fire station at the corner and tell them our legs were on fire or that we needed mouth to mouth.  Instead, we just stopped and caught our breath and got a drink before continuing on. 

I fought the hills the whole way out to Meadows Ford, but then enjoyed the long downhill to the creek.  Then we turned around and headed back into town.  I knew the hill coming out of the bottoms was going to suck.  I made it up the first part, but then it turns and continues up (hate those) and about half way up the second part, my heart was pounding out of my chest and I couldn't catch my breath and I was in a near panic attack.  I stopped mid-hill and leaned over my handle bars just trying to breathe.  It SUCKED!  And it didn't do anything for my confidence for this weekend.  Brie was so kind and swung back to wait with me and then cranked up the hill slowly after I got my breathing and heart rate back under control.  I felt like such a giant pussy!

Made it back to Edgewood and knew that we really only had one more hill (up to 179 again) and the rest would be downhill and flat.  I was thanking God we didn't have any further than that to go.  Got back to Prenavi's apartment with 19 miles under our belts.  Even the final little hill up to her parking lot was a bit of a booger.  We visited for a bit on Walter's tailgate and then went inside for a fruit slushie/smoothie type concoction.  Prenavi is totally into juicing and living on fruits and veggies.  I enjoyed visiting for a bit and then headed for home.

Continuing to feel nervous about this weekend, but have been given lots of encouragement on FB, etc.  I don't want to let all the folks that donated down.  I don't want to let the memory of my father down.  And I want to finish this for all the times that a big hairy ass goal like this has tried to get the better of me.  But I'd be lying if I didn't say I was scared shitless.  I hope SuperKate is right and that last night was just me getting my "bad ride" out of the way so I can ride great this weekend.  Many prayers for her and all the great Team Virtus guys too as they tackle their 200 mile gravel nemesis.

 YTD:
Swimming = 10,000 yds = 5.7 mi
Biking = 736.6 miles
Running = 92.0 miles