What is with me? Last summer I was totally on board. I did most of the workouts in the "Just a Slice Above a Couch Potato" training plan and finished my first two sprint triathlons. Then I continued on through the winter with mostly getting in weekly S/B/R workouts (until the cold got the better of me and I tried to build my running up while letting biking mostly go). With the mild winter, I managed to get back on the bike and get a bit more consistent in the pool by completing CTER's 140.6 between mid-Feb and mid-March. With the purchase of my new-to-me road bike, I ramped up to doing longer bike rides. But there were signs. The wheels were coming off the rails as I approached the race season.
Somewhere along the way, I ran out of training mojo. I managed to finish my first duathlon in April with only two actual brick workouts. Then I was kind of hit or miss through the busy times surrounding the end of school and trying to find my way through my first summer of having both kids home. But I still managed to hang in there with at least a few workouts to prep for two more sprint tri's. While I had major improvements from my 2011 races, I wasn't feeling the love and could never really make myself to commit to the "what's next" races that I was browsing.
Part of me wonders if it is because I had started to feel a bit more complacent - the victim of "good enough". My weight was out of the "morbidly obese" category and was hanging pretty stable in the low 160's without a lot of "effort". I was a little faster (though still at the back of the pack) and had a little more endurance (never really felt like I couldn't do what I set out to do). I was still occassionally heading out for a long bike ride or a long run with friends - odd when nearly all my training in 2011 was done solo. Compare 2011 when my husband lacked faith in my ability to finish my first tri, I set out to prove him wrong - to in 2012 when he lacked faith that I could finish anything longer and I let him convince me it was so.
I still feel so inspired by the bloggers that have conquered the various triathlon race distances. But I'm not in the frame of mind to know what I want to work towards. Do I want to someday do an Ironman? I'm not sure. It seems so far out of the realm of reality right now. But maybe I need some kind of super big hairy ass goal to motivate me (though probably not THAT hairy). Maybe I need something to push me out of that comfort zone. I don't know what it will take for me to find my "happy place" with regards to my training (or other areas of my life too). Struggling a bit with it all right now.
But I don't want to be sitting here in a year still wishing I had done more. I don't want to be sitting in the same 5 lb range of weight (or worse yet - having gone back up any). I don't want to be still searching for my "happy place". So I need to come up with a course of action and start down the path. Even if I take some wrong turns along the way, I want to break out of this mental rut.
I'll probably do a few 5k's this fall, but probably more along the lines of "racing to train" than anything. Races are fun and most of the 5K's benefit some kind of charity. But I need to figure out how to recommit myself and get on some kind of plan, working towards some kind of goal. I seem to need that. Lots of things to think on.
Side note: I have the disposable camera from the Epic Mud Run and the Prison Break ready to get developed. I'll do a proper race report and picture dump soon. SuperKate had the best report on the Prison Break though so if you don't follow her already - go over there and check it out!
Want to give a shout out to my running friend Susan who finished her first half marathon this weekend. Another source of inspiration right here with me! I can't wait for our next run to hear all about it.